World’s Dumbest Criminal

image I love watching the Smoking Gun Presents: World’s Dumbest Criminal episodes that come on from time to time.  I’ve watched a guy hold up a convenience store with a rifle and then put it down on the counter so that the counter person could take it away and chase him out of the store.  That was one of the best.

I watched a guy walk into a bank with leaves to cover his face.  He ripped it off, clean and easy.  But, they put a die charger in the bag of money and it exploded just as he got out of the bank.  The cops found a guy who matched the slightly camouflaged description.  But, the dead give away was the ink that was still on the man when the cops caught up to him.

I watched a guy on the dashboard police camera hand his wallet over to the police officer.  That’s all fine and dandy.  But, it had his heroine in it.  That’s about the time you hear the guy turn from a tough guy into a crying little girl.

I’ve watched plenty of drunk people cracking their heads on hard pavement, plaster walls, glass windows and steal bars.  I’ve watched them jump off of bridges, cross busy highways and drive cars with flat tires to get away from cops.  I watched three people conspire to insurance fraud…and tape it.  These shows have all kinds and they can bust a gut at times.

What I find most interesting though is who is willing to comment on these shows.  Everyone’s been in trouble.  Most of them, I find funny and have no reason to speak bad of now.  But, I absolutely love the commentators who speak without remembering their own past.

Tonya Harding is a regular on the show and she makes some real stupid statements from time to time.  She was talking about one stupid criminal who forgot to check with his probation officer and video taped himself doing drugs as well as some other things.  Part of Tonya’s sentence was probation and there are just some topics you should stay away from when you are judging others.  She mentioned the probation and I say, “Tonya, stay away from that one.  You’re no better than he is.”

Danny Bonaduce is another one I think lets some interesting things just fly out of his mouth.  But, his are in an entirely different way.  Danny don’t pull any punches when it comes to admitting that he hasn’t led that most perfect life on earth.  But, he plays the bad card way too many times.  We’re watching a police officer give a man a ticket who is just ranting and raving. The officer is maintaining his demeanor.  It is quite impressive.  Bonaduce says that if he was an officer, all of his police reports would end with, “…and that’s when I shot him.”

Lighten up!  It’s just a guy going off about a ticket that he probably can’t afford.  Sure, he shouldn’t have been speeding if he can’t afford it.  You can raise those arguments all day long.  But, many of us have been there.  Most of us can relate.

And the thought of Danny Bonaduce being a cop is a joke itself!

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Michael Allen is the author of A River in the Ocean, the heartwarming story of a single father who is separated from his daughter when an awful accident nearly takes his life. He comes out of his coma with amnesia, but something keeps pulling him to find what's missing in his life. He didn't know he was looking and she didn't know she needed found. Available now at Amazon!

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A River in the Ocean

Michael Allen A River in the Ocean
Michael Allen’s latest novel…

A River in The Ocean is the story of a father and a daughter who get separated by a tragic accident. The father wakes up from a coma unaware he has a daughter while she has been raised for years by an odd couple who have great intentions, but no idea what they are doing. He begins to feel something is missing in his life while she begins to feel she is out of place. He didn’t know he was looking and she didn’t know she needed found.

Available in print and on Kindle: A River in the Ocean