Stepmom Just Doesn’t Sound Right to Leann Rimes

when you miss meLeann Rimes is not a “stepmom” to new hubby Eddie Cibrian’s two sons. Sure, she married Cibrian after their much publicized affair and subsequent divorces — inheriting a new blended family along the way. But according to the self-titled “bonus mom,” “A family is a family…there is no ‘step’ about it.” From “Leann Rimes: ‘Stepmom’ Has A Bad Connotation” in the Divorce section in the Huffington Post. No author was attributed.

Leann Rimes couldn’t have said it better, even though it has been said before. You have to take the steps away. When it was all new and divorce was something unheard of, people rushed to put names on things. If you have a family and it breaks up, what happens when you join with another broken family? What are the kids called? What are the parents called?

If we would have been smart back then, we would have said, “Who cares? Just get together and get on with it!”

But, we weren’t smart. We allowed those terms to be burned in our brains. Chidren joined by marriage are steps. Children who have the same mommy, but different daddy are halfs. We let this naming go on because it made us feel as if everything was in its place when it had a name. That’s some 80’s style thinking.

But now, a family is a family. Even though marriages break up, that doesn’t mean the world is going to end.  It will keep turning and hopefully two lost souls will find each other and put two broken marriages together. The argument could be made that families struggling to stay together are not as healthy as a family made from two. At least, they had the common sense to call it quits for the benefit of everyone involved.

The Huff Post as it likes to call itself has a compelete Divorce section. That’s how common divorce is getting.  But, I just had a major revelation. It started with my notion that divorce is still somewhat new and because it’s common enough, it calls for its own section in the Huffington Post. But then I had the thought that divorce isn’t so commonplace that a Divorce section isn’t warranted.  I mean if it were just another fact of life, we wouldn’t need… That’s when it dawned on me!  That thought was where I stopped from one way of thinking and completely reversed.

Divorce has arrived. It’s a section in the newspaper along with Entertainment, Business and Politics. It’s Life.  So, why have marriage then?  If being married isn’t going to be any more special than dating, why put yourself through it?

You’re going to love and fall in love many times over throughout your life. But, I would save the marriage for when you know it’s right. It feels right and it’s with the right person.  Don’t get married if it’s just something to do on a hot day on Tuesday.  When your kids are involved, you need to try to give them as stable of a life as you can.  As a single parent, that’s tougher than usual.  But, bouncing from marriage to marriage doesn’t help things.  Just try to make the best decisions you can.

Forget that you’re lonely. Forget that you don’t have much of a life outside of your family. Just think of your children. Always think of your children.  Because the life you have inside your family is much greater than any action you can get outside of it!

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Michael Allen is the author of A River in the Ocean, the heartwarming story of a single father who is separated from his daughter when an awful accident nearly takes his life. He comes out of his coma with amnesia, but something keeps pulling him to find what's missing in his life. He didn't know he was looking and she didn't know she needed found. Available now at Amazon!

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A River in the Ocean

Michael Allen A River in the Ocean
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A River in The Ocean is the story of a father and a daughter who get separated by a tragic accident. The father wakes up from a coma unaware he has a daughter while she has been raised for years by an odd couple who have great intentions, but no idea what they are doing. He begins to feel something is missing in his life while she begins to feel she is out of place. He didn’t know he was looking and she didn’t know she needed found.

Available in print and on Kindle: A River in the Ocean