Stepmom Just Doesn’t Sound Right to Leann Rimes

when you miss meLeann Rimes is not a “stepmom” to new hubby Eddie Cibrian’s two sons. Sure, she married Cibrian after their much publicized affair and subsequent divorces — inheriting a new blended family along the way. But according to the self-titled “bonus mom,” “A family is a family…there is no ‘step’ about it.” From “Leann Rimes: ‘Stepmom’ Has A Bad Connotation” in the Divorce section in the Huffington Post. No author was attributed.

Leann Rimes couldn’t have said it better, even though it has been said before. You have to take the steps away. When it was all new and divorce was something unheard of, people rushed to put names on things. If you have a family and it breaks up, what happens when you join with another broken family? What are the kids called? What are the parents called?

If we would have been smart back then, we would have said, “Who cares? Just get together and get on with it!”

But, we weren’t smart. We allowed those terms to be burned in our brains. Chidren joined by marriage are steps. Children who have the same mommy, but different daddy are halfs. We let this naming go on because it made us feel as if everything was in its place when it had a name. That’s some 80’s style thinking.

But now, a family is a family. Even though marriages break up, that doesn’t mean the world is going to end.  It will keep turning and hopefully two lost souls will find each other and put two broken marriages together. The argument could be made that families struggling to stay together are not as healthy as a family made from two. At least, they had the common sense to call it quits for the benefit of everyone involved.

The Huff Post as it likes to call itself has a compelete Divorce section. That’s how common divorce is getting.  But, I just had a major revelation. It started with my notion that divorce is still somewhat new and because it’s common enough, it calls for its own section in the Huffington Post. But then I had the thought that divorce isn’t so commonplace that a Divorce section isn’t warranted.  I mean if it were just another fact of life, we wouldn’t need… That’s when it dawned on me!  That thought was where I stopped from one way of thinking and completely reversed.

Divorce has arrived. It’s a section in the newspaper along with Entertainment, Business and Politics. It’s Life.  So, why have marriage then?  If being married isn’t going to be any more special than dating, why put yourself through it?

You’re going to love and fall in love many times over throughout your life. But, I would save the marriage for when you know it’s right. It feels right and it’s with the right person.  Don’t get married if it’s just something to do on a hot day on Tuesday.  When your kids are involved, you need to try to give them as stable of a life as you can.  As a single parent, that’s tougher than usual.  But, bouncing from marriage to marriage doesn’t help things.  Just try to make the best decisions you can.

Forget that you’re lonely. Forget that you don’t have much of a life outside of your family. Just think of your children. Always think of your children.  Because the life you have inside your family is much greater than any action you can get outside of it!

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Michael Allen is the author of the newly released novel The Deeper Dark - When Haven Kayd returns home after being a POW for years, he returns to a world that has moved on without him. As he's playing catchup, the truth comes out about a scheme he was unknowingly the poster boy for and he learns about a hidden world that threatens everything he cares about. Available now at Amazon!

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The Deeper Dark

the deeper darkMichael Allen’s latest novel…

The Deeper Dark is the story of a fighter pilot who spends a few years in a POW camp. When he returns to civilization, he realizes how much has changed as life just seemed to move on without him. His wife remarried and his daughter learned how to grow up without her father around. When he finds out there’s more to the story the day his jet went down, he finds himself in the middle of unimaginable corruption. Trying to keep their secrets hidden, his invisible enemies threaten the one person he has left in this world. But they have no idea how far he’s willing to go to save her life.

Available in print and on Kindle: The Deeper Dark