Have you ever had one of those days where you felt like you should never have left the house? Mine was yesterday. A simple walk to the grocery store for a few bottles of wine and you would think that could go easy.
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First of all, parking lots are funny. Doesn’t it always seem that there is never any traffic until you come along? It’s like throwing football in front of your house. Your street could be the lamest street in town, never have any traffic. But the minute you try to play catch, the entire town wants to come through.
So, I’m walking up the road toward the parking lot and every car in the world is rushing through. I can’t cross, not at all. Finally when I get across, now they’re rushing through the other way. I swear these cars weren’t even around a minute ago. Now, they’re all over the place like roaches in the kitchen.
Plus doesn’t it always seem like when you’re driving through the parking lot, there’s never one car leaving? You have to park a mile from the store because all of the good spots are taken. But try walking through the parking lot one time. Everyone and their grandmother are ready to run you over.
They beep their horns like you’re inconveniencing them. And watch out for the person who isn’t looking! They’re texting on their phones while backing up and the next thing you know, you’re part of the road.
In the store, it was much worse. I can’t stand those people who stop, cover the aisle, then take their time to look at everything. No consideration for the person behind them. But let you do it to them one time, and they hem and haw like the world revolves around them.
I was happy to finally have my wine in hand and be standing in line at the cashier. But, don’t you just love those people who have no consideration for your personal space? I swear the lady was trying to shove her cart right up my rear. Every time I edged forward, she took that space faster than a stripper takes your money. I turned around and looked at her, then I looked at the cart.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” she said as she backed her cart up an inch. Then, the line moved again and there was her cart, right up my bum. What in the world is wrong with these people?
So, I’m out of the store and walking home. I was at my apartment complex in no time. I could finally let my guard down and walk quietly through the community.
We have streets that go all the way around the complex and there are parking spots on the side where I was walking. I’ve never noticed a parking curb because quite frankly, the parking spots are normally just painted with lines.
The minute I started walking with my head down was about the time I found the only parking curb on the entire lot. I damn near fell right on my face. I looked at the rest of the parking spots and sure enough, it was the only one on the lot. That’s my luck!
I finally got home, locked the door behind me and sat down in my comfortable chair. I felt as if I merely survived my trip to the store. I had the idea that it was going to be an enjoyable day, but that idea was shot to hell when people were put in it.
Speaking of roaches, I learned a way to finally get rid of them. I don’t have many because my apartment complex is actually rather awesome about it. They spray every other month with commercial stuff that kills everything. But, we do have little stragglers who would survive the nuclear holocaust.
So, I learned how to get rid of them too. Pour a little bit of wine in a container of some sort. Make sure it’s a deep container, not like a small dish or anything. Make the roaches climb to get into it. They take a few drinks and can’t get back out! They drowned in their own bliss.
I looked in the container this morning and I found a pregnant mother. With all of the warnings about drinking during pregnancy, this one just couldn’t help herself and see what it got her. That’s about a thousand little problems I just chopped up in my garbage disposal.
I’m going to try to stay out of the world’s way today. No need to go out anywhere, I’ve got everything I need. Knowing my luck, that’s about the time that the ceiling will fall in on me.
If you’d like to read more about Michael Allen, pick yourself up a copy of his book at Amazon…