I’m Sorry: Smart TV Ain’t Made For No Stupid People

The guy puts his hand up and pauses the movie with a hand gesture. They speak to the television and it finds a show for them to watch. The TV suggests programs based on viewer history.

Ha! They’ll never get that right! With all the computer glitches in the world that we can’t fix, a Smart TV will cause minimal damage. Sure, I get that!

I mean, it’s not a speeding car driving down the road with the owner in the driver’s seat asleep behind the wheel like some realistic Night Rider. One electronic fart, and the car takes a turn into a lake.

It’s not an unmanned plane or a boat out at sea going around in circles. It’s certainly not a missile with a programmed target.

So yeah, the Smart TV, no matter how smart it is, can’t do a great deal of damage. But, I can see it getting all discombobulated up in my house!

I can see myself giving the television a hand gesture and it changes the channel. It gets stuck on a documentary of How Annoying Sounds are Made. So, I’m doing jumping jacks in my living room, flailing my arms all over the place, trying to get my TV to do anything. I’d be happy to see it change the volume at this point.

But, my television doesn’t respond until I collapse on the couch and put my feet up on the coffee table. I catch my breath. Then I walk up to it and hit the power button.

It’s so smart though, it turns itself back on just as I’m leaving the room. But, that’s nothing! I’ve had dumb televisions that could do that. Your only choice was to unplug them, and then wait until they flickered to their death.

Can you imagine me trying to talk to my television?

“No, I said UFC. Not OC. Not OC! Don’t record that. I don’t want you to record that! Delete it. Delete it! No, don’t delete everything. What are you doing? Stop deleting things! Stop deleting! Stop listening to things that I say! I need a beer…ooh, that’s a good show!”

To run the Smart TV the way they do in the television commercial, it would take some intensive training. I’d have to be put through Smart TV boot camp and then take the refresher course every month. Then, I would have to sit there heartbroken as a four year old walks up and turns the channel, finds yesterday’s episode of Sesame Street and then puts it at 9:17 where he left off earlier this morning before his nap.

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Michael Allen is the author of A River in the Ocean, the heartwarming story of a single father who is separated from his daughter when an awful accident nearly takes his life. He comes out of his coma with amnesia, but something keeps pulling him to find what's missing in his life. He didn't know he was looking and she didn't know she needed found. Available now at Amazon!

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A River in the Ocean

Michael Allen A River in the Ocean
Michael Allen’s latest novel…

A River in The Ocean is the story of a father and a daughter who get separated by a tragic accident. The father wakes up from a coma unaware he has a daughter while she has been raised for years by an odd couple who have great intentions, but no idea what they are doing. He begins to feel something is missing in his life while she begins to feel she is out of place. He didn’t know he was looking and she didn’t know she needed found.

Available in print and on Kindle: A River in the Ocean