Commentary,  Funny,  WTF

Florida Man Headlines Too Funny: Can’t Make This Stuff Up

“Florida Man” headlines are an everyday thing. There’s not a day that goes by that you can’t find some ridiculous headline of a man in Florida who did something either crazy, funny, or absolutely unheard of. Of course, there are many serious headlines too but let’s stay off that topic today. I’m not here for that.

This first Florida Man thought he was in an action movie when he was being chased by cops. First, he tried to jump his van off a bridge and that didn’t work the way it does in Fast and Furious. Instead, he crashed on the bridge and what he did next is actually badass…

Which Florida Man Is Winning?

This Florida Man is guilty of flying a banner that is three stories high. The Walton County Code Compliance official says his job is to preserve the visual quality of the beach and a three-story banner violates code. He says it has nothing to do with the banner’s message, but I somehow think it might. The thing is that the man continues to fly his banner despite the $50 a day fine that he has to pay. He definitely is standing his ground, but I can’t help to think of how the city is laughing all the way to the bank. Especially if they hate the message, which there is a 50/50 chance they do…

florida man

Just Another Day For Florida Man

An elderly man woke up to the sound of a lawnmower on his lawn. The problem is, he doesn’t own a lawnmower. So, he, “had to get out in my stocking feet, I went to look and see who was in my yard.” It turned out to be his neighbor’s lawn guy and he was obviously over the property line. In a confrontation between the elderly man and his neighbor, it came to punches. Imagine the scene where a 46-year-old neighbor is taunting a 91-year-old man to punch him in the face, so the old man does. And he gets arrested for it. That’s Florida folks.

florida man

Florida Man Gets So Much Better

In a very bizarre story, a Florida man went balls to the wall for the simplest reason. He hitched a ride on a bucket truck going his direction. When I say he hitched a ride, I mean he snuck on the truck and then appears to have fallen asleep. When the power line crew noticed him on their truck, they asked him to jump off but he refused. So, they called the company, and eventually, the police were involved. But, the story doesn’t stop there. The man escaped the custody of the police that night, stole the truck, dragged an employee for about 50 feet, and drove the truck 20 miles before dumping it close to his home. He was arrested the next day. When he was asked why he did it, he answered that he just didn’t want to walk home.

This Is THE Florida Man

With the tattoo of Florida on his face, Matthew Leatham is the poster boy for Florida Men everywhere. The first time we heard about him, he called 911 to get a ride. This time, it’s a bit more serious. He was drunk the day his mom went to pick him up and take him to work. He refused to go and it ended up in a dispute where he threw his TV at her and then attempted to strangle her. She’s fine, but I could imagine very heartbroken.

florida man

How About This For Frivolous Lawsuits

A Florida man is suing a car wash and you won’t believe why. He has alleged that the car wash is slippery when it’s wet. That’s right. He was unaware that the floor would get slippery if soap and water got on it while he was washing his car. His lawsuit is so full of legal jargon, it’s hilarious just to read.

That on or about December 16, 2020, the Defendant, MOTOR CITY CARWASH, INC., by and through its agents, employees, and/or servants, negligently and carelessly maintained the above mentioned premises, to-wit: by allowing a dirty, slippery substance to remain on the ground where patrons are expected to traverse, creating a dangerous and hazardous condition, causing the Plaintiff, ARTHUR SOTLOFF, to fall and seriously injure himself.

This is up there with the lady who faked a fall in a grocery store!

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WTF? I Mean Seriously, WTF?

This Florida man just got out of prison after serving a year for attempting to sell crack to an undercover police officer and now he’s in trouble again. He called 911 because he was experiencing breathing issues. When the paramedics got there, it appears that he exposed himself to the EMT crew and began to pleasure himself with an ice pack. Yep! You read that right! He was rubbing it on his genitals in an attempt to reach sexual gratification. In the arrest report, there is a very clear statement, “First Responders will like to prosecute!” I bet they would.

Florida Man Goes Nuts

That’s actually not a headline that is all that unbelievable. It can be applied to just about any of us down here. But this guy should get a trophy or something for his absolutely outlandish behavior. I’m guessing he was trying to be a pirate because he was drinking rum and wielding a sword when police arrived. Why were they called? It appears he had set the street on fire and was sitting in his yard watching it burn. It led to his arrest, but that’s only part of the story. In the holding cell where they put him, he broke the fire sprinkler and flooded the booking office.

You really can’t make this stuff up! It reminds me of People Doing Stupid Things!

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Michael Allen is the author of the newly released novel The Deeper Dark - When Haven Kayd returns home after being a POW for years, he returns to a world that has moved on without him. As he's playing catchup, the truth comes out about a scheme he was unknowingly the poster boy for and he learns about a hidden world that threatens everything he cares about. Available now at Amazon!